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The Covert Comic

Weekly Intelligence Briefing

 

 

(Note: Cleared readers only, please.)

Daniel Patrick Moynihan said “Secrecy is for losers.” He was right. At my agency we don’t even look at anything below Top Secret/SCI.

● Never lie on a polygraph. The needles get all bent, and then they ask you even more questions.

● You say ‘cosplay convention’ like there’s some other kind.

The Super Bowl has become so commercialized, its religious meaning is in danger of being lost completely.

● [Alien visiting our planet]: Tell me more about this ‘wiggle room.’

Executive Intelligence Summary

It’s not whether you fall, it’s whether you do something entertaining before hitting the ground.

            

*

 

The mightiest of weapons is truth. And everyone knows youre not permitted to bring a weapon into a government building.

● What’s so controversial about NSA domestic surveillance? As if half those domestics aren’t Venezuelan spies!

● I kicked ass on my peace studies final, but the professor’s letting me retake it.

● The zenith of the word ‘zenith’ was when it was a name for TVs.

All my memories seem to happen to music. Memories of mom and dad; of waking up early on Christmas morning; of the little apartment we lived in above the disco.

Executive Intelligence Summary

If thy nostril offend thee, stick thy finger in it.

                     

*

 

Dance like everybody’s watching, and it’s North Korea and you’re Kim Jong Un.

● I’m thinking about joining CIA’s employee singles club, and maybe checking out one of their officially-neither-meet-nor-mingle events.

● Please listen carefully while my menu options change.

As a privacy expert, my views on privacy are none of your damn business.

● Polycules? Polykewl!

Executive Intelligence Summary

If it werent for the laugh track, how would I know when to stop laughing?

                        

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