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Spaiku! (CIA haiku poetry from the Covert Comic! "Spooky" - USA Today)

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Intelligence Underground (Spookiest of the spooks)

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Weekly Intelligence Briefing

Seizin’ greetings!

(Note: Cleared readers only, please.)

At CIA we operate under the authority of the President. Sometimes miles under.

● Your exposé needs to be more risqué if you want to impress a public that tends to be blasé. – Advice to a State Department Assistant Attaché

● ‘Say it three times fast’ should be easier to say three times fast.

● Adhering to best practices isn’t difficult if you have the right kind of dorsal sucking disc.

● You make me want to be a better-armed person.

Executive Intelligence Summary

If all dogs go to heaven, I sure hope they’re heavenbroken.

The foot is nobler than the shoe. But the shoe is nobler than the clown shoe.

– Life’s Little Covert Operations Manual

Most government secrets are like theatrical flash powder: they only cause noise if confined, they only injure those who try to hold onto them, and once they blow up everybody says ‘That was it?!’

● When you say it has the earmarks of a CIA operation, you’re looking way too high.

● One if by land, two if by sea, n/√(1 – v²/c²) if by gravitational wormhole.

● O how the mighty pretend for accounting purposes to have fallen.

● Whenever I hear the word ‘couture,’ I reach for my pullover.

Executive Intelligence Summary

Are we anywhere but here yet?

At CIA we’re committed to observing best practices. We know where best practices go and what they do 24/7.

● Sophisticated spy hardware and psychological analysis models notwithstanding, real-world agent recruitment is still about old-fashioned legwork. Get the right pair of legs working on them, and you’ll recruit the target every time.

● Holding government accountable: empowering.

Holding government accounts receivable: priceless.

● Don’t know much about that Sam Cooke song.

● The future of our society will be determined by how we choose between a worldview based on reason, objectivity and tolerance, and one marked by extremism and lies.

Here’s hoping we choose in a cool, slightly edgy kind of way.

Executive Intelligence Summary

If life gives you limerence, ask for lemons instead.

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