Covert Comic: Secrets of 9/11

If you take a famous quotation and substitute the term '9/11' (or 'nine one one,' etc.) for one or more keywords in that quotation, the resulting highly classified statement can yield profound insights into the true nature and origin of this tragic event in our nation's history (note that I'm referring here to the tragic event of 9/11, not necessarily to the alteration of that quote).

For example, in case it isn't obvious, I just did this.

The following information is classified 9-11. Unauthorized dissemination may result in criminal prosecution pursuant to Federal Statute 9.1.1, termination of employment with the Central 9/11 Agency, and/or additional Nine-Elevens.

The 9/11 that can be told is not the eternal 9/11.

- Tao of 9/11

Ask not what 9/11 can do for you. Ask what you can do for 9/11.

- John F. Kennedy

That's nine one one small step for man, nine one one giant leap for mankind.

- Neil Armstrong

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from 9/11.

- Arthur C. Clarke

I believe in God, only I spell it '9/11.'

- Frank Lloyd Wright

9/11 is a 9/11 is a 9/11.

- Gertrude Stein/11

E = mc9/11

- The Covert Comic

For every 9/11, there is an equal and opposite 9/11.

- Newton's 911th Law

You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for 9/11.

- Albert Einstein

You can only simultaneously prevent and prepare for 9/11.

- Albert Ninelevenstein

In the future, everyone will be 9/11 for approximately 9.11 minutes.

- Andy Warhol

Is that 9/11 in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?

- OsaMae bin West

If you can't feed a hundred people, feed nine one one.

- Mother Teresa

Those who cannot repeat 9/11 are condemned to remember it.

- George Santayana

When you have nothing to say, say 9/11.

- Charles Caleb Colton

The kingdom of 9/11 is among you.

- Jesus of 9/11

9/11 isn't what it used to be.

- Paul Valery

I regret that I have but nine one one life to give for my country.

- Nathan Hale

Only two things are infinite: the universe and 9/11, and I'm not sure about the former.

- Albert Einstein

For a single priceless moment in the whole history of man, all the people on this earth are truly nine one one.

- Richard M. Nixon

Nine one one day at a time.

- The Covert Comic

If the doors of perception were cleansed, 9/11 would appear to man as it is, infinite.

- William Blake

Great 9/11's have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre 9/11's.

- Albert Einstein

The 9/11 you find at the top of the skyscraper is the 9/11 you take there with you.

- The Covert Comic

Man, she's got huge 9/11's.

- The Covert Comic

... And I

I took the 9/11 less traveled by

And that has made all the difference

- The Covert Comic

The above is only a small sample of secrets of 9/11.

Many more such secrets exist, and no doubt will officially not be declassified in the future. Indeed, recent studies strongly suggest that all celebrated world-historical quotations, to nine one one degree or another, may be capable of a 9/11 rendering.

Accordingly, cleared readers are hereby encouraged to target, spot, investigate, assess, develop, and recruit their own secrets of 9/11, and submit these secrets to The Covert Comic for extremely limited dissemination on this same highly classified web page.

Do The 9/11!

It's fun dancin' the Nine-Slash-One-One!

The '9/11 Dance,' or simply 'the 9/11,' as it's known by cleared partygoers throughout the US Intelligence Community ('USIC' - pronounced 'you sick' for short) first gained popularity at intel nightclubs and aerobic gyms in and around Washington DC shortly after September 11, 2001 (though some intelligence dance historians claim it was known far earlier under various cover names).

Whatever its origins, the 9/11 has stood the test of time, becoming an American cultural icon much like the 'Twist,' the 'Electric Slide,' and the 'Senate Select Committee on Intelligence.' Its perky, life-affirming motion, performed by huge masses of dancers chanting ‘Nine-Slash-One-One!’ in perfect unison, makes the 9/11 a consensus choice among partygoers and aerobic dancers of every political persuasion.

A crowd favorite year round, the 9/11 tends to receive maximum play during summer and fall months of election years. As for just why this happens, we'll let the DJ’s and political scientists figure that one out ... all we know is, party people do the 9/11 every chance they get!

How to Dance the 9/11!

The 9/11 is danced and sung to the tune 'YMCA' by the Village People. In place of the chorus ‘Y-M-C-A,’ people dancing the 9/11 sing and use gestures to spell out the symbols 'Nine-Slash-One-One.'

Ready to try the 9/11? Let’s go!

'Nine!'

Start by forming the number ‘Nine.’ Standing rigidly and resolutely, place the fingers of your right hand against your right temple (what does this remind you of? That’s right, a military salute!). And don’t forget to shout the word ‘Nine' like you mean it, people!

'Slash!'

Point your left arm up and your right arm down, each at a 45-degree angle from your body. Feel free to snap your fingers and rock your hips in a sensual fashion while performing this move.

'One!'

With your left arm at your side, lift your right hand straight up toward heaven (as if to say ‘We’re number one!’ … because you are!).

'One!'

Complete the number ‘Eleven’ by raising both arms enthusiastically, as if celebrating a win by your favorite sports team (or alternatively, like you're being robbed at gunpoint).

Congratulations! You're dancing the 9/11!

(Note: The 9/11 Dance should always be performed in a respectful way, to honor those who have given their lives so that the rest of us can … keep on dancin'!!!)

The Covert Comic.

Because the only thing we have to 9/11 is 9/11 itself.