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The Covert Comic

Weekly Intelligence Briefing



(Note: Cleared readers only, please.)

CIA’s mission statement: 35 hallowed words (plus nine hallowed redaction marks).

● I hit the streets looking for information. Forty Benjamins and half a dozen bruises later, I had some: it turns out the streets hit back. – Ops report

● The Cosmic Prequel Barrier (13.6 billion years BCE) is the point in time prior to which visible light did not exist in the universe, making any earlier prequel impossible (not counting art house film noir).

● What’s the smoke signal for ‘smoke signal’?

If we get a 3D printer at the office, the first thing I’m printing with it is a new 3D printer just for me!

Executive Intelligence Summary

I have extraordinary evidence – now if I could just come up with an extraordinary claim.



Homeland Security Update: If you see a sign that says ‘If you see something, say something,’ it is not necessary to contact the Department of Homeland Security to say you saw this.

● ‘Calling in an airstrike’ may sound good, but it doesn’t address the deeper issues underlying the conflict (for that you typically need to call in multiple airstrikes).

● According to a new report, eating microwave popcorn increases the risk of dementia.

How do they know it’s the popcorn, and not the movies people are watching while eating it?

● ‘Umpteenth’ sounds like a lot, but it’s really just the number ump + 10.

Whenever I read that quote by Hemingway, “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk,” I have a drink!

Executive Intelligence Summary

It's only jaw-dropping if your mouth isn't already agape.





When you feel stressed, try counting from 1 to MAC-10.

● Disambiguation: The arts and crafts trade refers to activities of a decorative and/or practical household nature. The art of tradecraft refers to decorative activities exclusively.

● Project management tools? Actually, most of our PMs are nice people.

● I bet autocannibalism doesn’t seem so funny when it’s your car that gets eaten.

Not only can you fall off the floor, you can land face-first on the ceiling.

Executive Intelligence Summary

If you wear your heart on your sleeve, dress in a red shirt.


The Covert Comic officially isn't on X.

The Covert Comic.

Read him while you still can!