The Covert Comic

Weekly Intelligence Briefing

(Note: Cleared readers only, please.)

'Security awareness' is an oxymoron.

●  SpookSpeak.  Threat agent n.  A professional agent who acts on behalf of a threat in negotiating with publishers to promote the threat's work for book sales, film rights and merchandising.

●  To literally have your sh*t together is the opposite of having your sh*t together.

●  Some women take off their clothes, others get evicted by them.

●  Not to oppose injustice is to be party to it – and who doesn't like to be have fun!

Executive Intelligence Summary

The cranial cavity is the shortest bus of all.

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You don't terminate an asset for deceiving you, you terminate them for failing to.

●  Disclosure: the Moro Islamic Liberation Front was created by me and a couple of other guys at CIA so we could view online porn at the office.

●  You can question a person's opinion and reasoning without questioning their patriotism (although it's only one more question, so it's not like questioning their patriotism is that much extra work).

●  My wife said "I ain't the diem, so don't even think about carping me."

●  If for any reason this product is not completely satisfied with you, it may return you for a full refund. – Universal Intelligence Estimate

Executive Intelligence Summary

Spank you!

Your welt come!

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According to the Daily Threat Report, the threat of this being a day has officially been raised from Elevated to High.

●  Secret 42813871.  If her eyes don't sparkle, her gun will.

●  I'm worried about the rate at which America seems to be spiraling out of control.  America usually spirals out of control well before lunchtime.

●  You were the last guy with me on Saturday night. – Entry in Father's Day essay contest: 'You're a Father If ...'  

●  Better to be asked what drug you're on, than what drug you're off. – Real Men Don't Get Published

Executive Intelligence Summary

The heart never lies.  It asserts alternative facts.