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The Covert Comic

Weekly Intelligence Briefing



(Note: Cleared readers only, please.)

It’s funny the first couple of times, but when you’re a counterterrorism officer, photobombing photos of bombings gets old after a while.

● US presidents have always been hard-on the CIA.

● I’ve been working on a one-person show. So far I’m up to nearly 2/3 of a person.

● If evil has a name, I bet it’s a name like Debbie. Because no one ever suspects a Debbie.

● What is the exception to the rule that the exception proves the rule that proves it?

Executive Intelligence Summary

When life gives you a summons, make summonade!




The CIA is not permitted to target US citizens, though it’s widely suspected of walmarting them.

● Henry Kissinger said covert action should not be confused with missionary activity – CA being more akin to doggy style.

● That’s not a red-eyed blue-necked purple-billed wigeon, it’s a red-eyed blue-necked purpled-billed middle manager.

● Sound bites are like doughnut bites, only more fattening and with less information.

● They say you can’t judge a book by its cover. But I can look at the cover and judge whether it’s a romance novel pretty much 100% of the time.

Executive Intelligence Summary

If we delegate writing to AI, we delegate thought, creativity, and ultimately our self-actualization.

… But there are downsides to AI too.





At CIA we don’t carry out operations aimed at regime change. We prefer dining in.

● If you walk around dressed in a cloak, you better be packing more than a dagger.

● I’m broken and it’s beautiful. But if I was pulverized it would be positively pulchritudinous!

There’s less than 2% method in the madness, and only about 6% madness. The rest is fillers, preservatives, and artificial coloring.

● It has a certain je ne sais le fuck quoi.

Executive Intelligence Summary

Things are going swimmingly. The problem: I’m a sinker.


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