Covert Comic Home Page


Contact Report

Universal Intelligence Estimate

Catwalk of Spies


My War On Terror!

The Naked Intelligence Officer

Real Men Don't Get Published

Who Killed The Covert Comic?

Universal Declaration of Humint Rights

PETA: People for the Ethical Treatment of Americans

Secrets of 9/11 (Recently unclassified!)

Spaiku! (CIA haiku poetry from the Covert Comic! "Spooky" - USA Today)

Black Matters (The world's most classified poetry)

Intelligence Underground (Spookiest of the spooks)

Form 22C: Questioning Authority

Intelligence Agents (Classified links and communiqués)

Contact The Covert Comic

Copyright 1998-2017. All rights reserved.

The Covert Comic

Weekly Intelligence Briefing


(Note: Cleared readers only, please.)

Secret 481080.  If you can't pay the loot, don't recruit.

●  An intelligence agent is to intelligence as a nerve agent is to nerves.

●  What kind of films do I prefer?  It depends on the substrate.

●  Stagger like nobody's watching.  Eat brains like you'll never be shot in the head. – Motivational Quotes for Zombies

●  Cookware sticks to a Teflon man.

Executive Intelligence Summary

O life, where is the respite from thy stinging?




See all evil.  Hear all evil.  Officially decline comment on all evil.

  Secret 4695.  He who thinks I'm hesitating is lost.

  What's real in politics is what voters decide is real.  What's a real voter is decided by what's real in politics.

  Scared of scarring – scarred of scaring.

  Motivational Secret of the Week.  Remember: if they have a restraining order against you, you have a restraining order against them.

Executive Intelligence Summary

The 'or' in 'make or break' is inclusive.




'Meeting' shouldn't be a dirty word.  It shouldn't be a word at all.

●  They asked me if she was an agent provocateur.  I answered no, and passed the polygraph.

... Obviously, she was an agente provocatrice.

●  Intelligence Community Dis of the Day.  He'd give you the shirt off his back hair.

●  To please everyone is difficult.  To displease everyone is impossible.

●  Cold hard facts tend to spoil when exposed to air.

Executive Intelligence Summary

America cannot be the world's policeman.  America's too busy being the world's animal control officer.


The Covert Comic officially isn't on Twitter.



Blow Your Cover!

Nothing says "I can neither confirm nor deny that I regularly read the Covert Comic" like a genuine Covert Comic bumper sticker.

Create your own covert action!  [Officially don’t] purchase and affix these stickers to the bumpers of CIA or FBI counterintelligence officers’ cars, street signs in heavily traveled areas of Georgetown, cubicles at the Defense Intelligence Agency, the back of Air Force One, etc.

Stickers are standard 3x10 inch, full color, and are shipped promptly and secretively via First-Class Mail (no shipping fee!).  Price: $10.  Allow 2-3 weeks for delivery.

(Note: An ultra-classified portion of proceeds from the sale of Covert Comic bumper stickers goes to Fisher House, a tax deductible charity providing lodging and other support to families of wounded US military personnel.  ... And you're right, lady, I am arrogant and self-serving.)





Can't we all just coexist?







The Covert Comic.

Read him while you still can!