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The Covert Comic

Weekly Intelligence Briefing

(Note: Cleared readers only, please.)

In CIA headquarters lobby, the floor map says ‘You Are Not Here.’

● No doubt it’s a smart bomb, but what’s its EQ?

● Female dragonflies will sometimes fake death to avoid having sex. Apparently male dragonflies have higher standards than male humans.

● The most common fetal position is ‘Undecided.’

● Choose a gentle nom de guerre, and a fearsome nom de paix.

Executive Intelligence Summary

Then again, was Dorothy ever really in Kansas?

SpookSpeak. F**ked-finding mission n. An official inquiry undertaken following an intelligence failure in order to determine who gets blamed.

● Have succeeded in turning agent (which, given agent’s size plus the fact that she was passed out drunk, involved considerable difficulty). – Ops report

● I read an article about existential dread. Sure hope I never exist.

● They say to become a bluesman, you must go to the crossroads at midnight and sell your soul to the devil. Which is tough for a musician since it means skipping breakfast.

● Not all who wander are lost – unless of course they hesitate while wandering.

Executive Intelligence Summary

I’m a role model, 1:350 scale.

SpookSpeak. Pull his/her file idiom. Intelligence Community equivalent of ‘pull my finger.’

● The Five Eyes alliance consists of intelligence agencies from the US, UK, Canada, Australia and New Zealand, and was established in order to share information and coordinate efforts aimed at determining what happened to their other five eyes.

● As a dad, I tend to walk softly around Father’s Day, partly in recognition of the complex emotions it can evoke, and partly because I have no idea when the hell Father’s Day is.

● I’m not a life coach, but I was recently promoted to assistant life equipment manager.

● When push comes to shove, wait to see what shove comes to. Because it’s not uncommon for shove to come to ‘everyone take a break.’

Executive Intelligence Summary

Redact thxs.

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