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The Covert Comic Weekly Intelligence Briefing
(Note: Cleared readers only, please.) Was it something I neither confirmed nor
denied? – CIA spokesperson getting dumped after a first date
●
If Israel had a
ministry of secretly suckering anti-Semitic doofuses, I bet that
ministry’s name would be classified, and its acronym would be an
innocuous-sounding Hebrew word. ● The Zen master is clearly impressed with my
progress. He says I’ve succeeded in emptying my mind faster than any
student he’s ever had. ● Gender studies major? I assumed she was a
colonel at the very least. ● The reason that sign at the gate of Hell says
‘Abandon all hope, ye who enter here’ is so folks won’t
be disappointed once they’re inside.
Executive
Intelligence Summary
If
enough sh*t hits the fan blades, they’ll
stop rotating.
Every day is Boxing Day if you’re a
polygrapher.
●
Saw a headline
this week: ‘Suicide Blast Rocks Moscow.’ Good to see that the Russian
music scene is alive and well. Congratulations Suicide Blast! You guys ROCK!!!
Suicide Blast totally rocking Moscow this week ● FYI, they may be called ‘dystopian’ novels,
but most of the time their authors are actually opposed to dystopia. ● Claims about the health benefits of pink
Himalayan sea salt should be taken with a grain of pretty much any
commercially marketed sodium chloride product of your choice. ● Freedom isn’t free. She wants at least a
hundred bucks and some ecstasy.
Executive
Intelligence Summary
When God tells a
joke, He never punches down – He kicks upward.
What the CIA
refers to as an ‘unwitting’ agent is known in British intelligence as an
‘unconscious’ agent – at least if CIA gets to the pub first.
●
Our agent network
hasn’t merely been rolled up – it’s been rolled up, smoked, and the
roach ground down to make weed brownies. – Ops report ● You have no business dissing me (not counting
the legal corporation you’ve formed for the purpose of dissing me, the
600 full-time employees you’ve hired whose job is dissing me, and the
200 million dollars in net revenue your company earns annually from
dissing me). ● Why do anti-aging products have an expiration
date?
●
I’ll never get promoted because I slept with my boss’s wife.
My boss says sleeping with his wife isn’t enough, I also need to improve
my reporting. Executive Intelligence Summary
Give a man the crabs, and you’ll ruin his day. Teach a man to crab,
and you’ll ruin him for a lifetime.
The Covert Comic. Read him while you still can!
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Intel
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