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The Covert Comic

Weekly Intelligence Briefing

 

 

(Note: Cleared readers only, please.)

In the classified world, ethical choices are rarely black and white. They’re more like black and Vanta black.

● Re HQS commo stating National Security Council requires additional intelligence, station couldn’t agree more. – Ops cable

● I believe you can be Gay and still call yourself a Christian – provided you and that Christian practice safe sex.

● All my life they told me Debbie was my big sister, and that our grandmother had raised us after our mom passed away.

Last night I finally learned the truth: “Granny” is really my daughter, and Debbie is my wife.

● When throwing caution to the wind, be sure to throw it upwind so it doesn’t get too far away.

Executive Intelligence Summary

I don’t care if it floats my boat, as long as it doesn’t maroon my pontoon.

                             

*

     

He who lacks an execution plan, doesn’t.

● I was referring to the aircraft, ma’am. – While providing a briefing on dual-role tankers

● A good hair day is worse than a bad hair day. On a bad hair day you can always try water, gel, spray, or just wait until tomorrow. But on a good hair day, you know your hair will never look that way again.

I googled my life expectancy. When I entered my personal data, it said “Probably not.”

● It’s not the size of the dog in the fight that counts, it's the size of the numbers that dog can count to while fighting.

Executive Intelligence Summary

Get thee in front of me, Satan. I spoon better that way.

 

*

 

 

At CIA there’s no standing policy regarding the use of sex in operations. Provided it’s consensual, Agency officers are permitted to have sex standing, lying down, or in any other position they and their partner choose.

● It’s ‘local ordinance?’ Not ‘local ordnance?’

… Uh-oh.

● The best part of living in the moment: if you don’t like this moment, there’s always another one coming along in 15 or 20 years.

● Meet singles near me? But at least three feet away, right?

● Say what you will about the 50 foot woman, but she definitely broke barriers.

Executive Intelligence Summary

I never joke about God. I’m against punching down in comedy.

               

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