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The Covert Comic

Weekly Intelligence Briefing

 

 

(Note: Cleared readers only, please.)

My in-laws don’t know I work for CIA – although they do ask why sections of my family’s Christmas letter are blacked out every year.

SpookSpeak. Hard target n. 1. A target who is difficult to access and/or recruit. 2. A target who is not difficult to access and/or recruit.

● That DC pizzeria that was alleged to be a front for the debunked ‘Pizzagate’ conspiracy theory: how do they still not have a ‘Deep State Deep Dish’ pizza on their menu???

● You could do worse than be dumbfounded and flabbergasted. You could be dumbgasted and flabberfounded.

● Nobody wants to culturally appropriate long division.

Executive Intelligence Summary

“What makes you think the whole world revolves around you?!” my mother demanded, as I slowly rotated my gaze to maintain eye contact.

                    

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One upside of climate change: less cold for a spy to come in from.

SpookSpeak. SINGINT n. Singles intelligence. Information collected by unattached CIA officers regarding other unattached CIA officers. Sometimes confused with SIGINT (signals intelligence), the two disciplines being similar in pronunciation and sharing numerous common practices.

● Eating lunch BEFORE I go to the cattle auction today. Not making the same mistake this time.

● If I was one of those patients who saw visible healing of their intestinal lining, I’d be like ‘Thank you sooo much, but ew.’

● It can’t be a midlife crisis if it kills you instantly.

Executive Intelligence Summary

You say ‘psychosexual’ like there’s some other kind.

          

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When managing a stable of agents, the case officer’s approach will typically vary based on whether a given asset has been recruited for racing, dressage, or breeding purposes.

I enjoy extremely short walks on the beach. – Navy SEAL personal ad, US military dating site

● A valuable step in one’s career development is learning to see co-workers from new perspectives (for example, this ceiling air duct vent).

● You’d think more mycologists would have a spirit fungus.

● Last night my wife and I had dinner at a Chinese restaurant. When they brought us our fortune cookies, my fortune had nothing but a skull and crossbones on it. My wife got scared, but I think the fortune was just saying I have a lucky skeleton.

Executive Intelligence Summary

Once hope was the thing with feathers

That perched inside the soul

Now hope’s the thing that hovers

And fires missiles by remote control

                                  

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